For most family caregivers, frustration and guilt are common, as is anxiety. These feelings are normal and reasonable under the circumstances. And it’s not realistic to eliminate negative emotions. Caring for an ailing family member IS emotionally taxing, especially in the case of memory loss.

But you can avoid amplifying a downer mood. According to stress and coping research, you can reduce your distress by concentrating on the present moment, the here and now.

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June 15 is World Elder Abuse Awareness Day. Exploitation of seniors is an issue none of us likes to think about. But it’s a growing problem. Well over a half-million incidents of elder abuse are reported each year.

Elder abuse includes intentional acts of malice, as well as simple acts of neglect or ignorance.

There are seven types of abuse:

• Self-neglect. When a mentally confused elder’s actions threaten his or her health or safety. For example, not eating or not bathing because of dementia.

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Don’t be surprised if your aging parent reacts with some defensiveness if you raise the topic of driving skills. No one wants to have their independence snatched away! Make it obvious from the start that it’s a mutual goal to keep your loved one safely on the road. And that it’s not an all or nothing situation.

Here are several options for supporting your parent’s continued safe driving:

- Mature driver refresher classes. These classes are often sponsored by AARP or a local AAA club (American Automobile Association). Classes offer practical information on easy ways to accommodate the natural changes of aging[link back to natural changes of aging article]. They tend to be informal and include a lot of group discussion. Plus, persons over 55 may qualify for a discount on their car insurance! Online classes cost less than $20 and are offered by both AARP and AAA. Or, contact a professional driving specialist for a personalized, behind-the-wheel evaluation.

- Staying physically flexible. Being able to turn to look behind you is critical to safe driving. Encourage your loved one to practice simple flexibility exercises.

- Maintaining car fitness. Make sure the car is properly adjusted for your parent. Especially important is the ability to see clearly in all directions. The addition of wide-angle mirrors, for instance, can help reduce blind spots. Be sure the wipers are in good shape. Maintain the car for road safety, too. Tires should be properly inflated and have adequate tread. And don’t forget to have the brakes checked regularly.

- Improving driving habits. A few simple changes can greatly reduce the chance of problems. Suggest Mom reduce or avoid driving at night or in bad weather. Stick to routes and times with less traffic. Make fewer left turns. (Three right turns are much safer!) And practice extra caution in parking lots and when changing lanes.

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Some people maintain strong driving skills as they age. But over time, most of us lose physical abilities that are key to safe driving. Indeed, only teens have more accidents per mile than do adults over age 65.

Advanced years alone are not a reason to stop driving, however. Health, fitness, and thinking power, not age, determine a person’s ability.

Following are signs of possible problems:

- Trouble with vision or hearing. Watch for problems seeing lane lines or pedestrians, overlooking stop signs, or judging the speed of oncoming traffic. Other signs include discomfort with glare or driving at night.

- Inability to twist or turn easily. Arthritis and stiff muscles can make it painful to turn and look when needed. This can lead to trouble when backing up, changing lanes, or merging with traffic.

- Medication use. Many medicines can slow thinking and response time. Drugs for depression and anxiety can do this, as can sleeping pills and medicines for heart conditions, colds, and allergies.

- Dementia. At “early” stages, many individuals can still drive safely. Talk to your loved one’s doctor about a driving skills evaluation.

- Two or more recent tickets. Consider tickets a yellow, warning light. Common infractions include poor parking, running a stop sign, or going the wrong way.

- Two or more recent accidents. Parking lot and sideswipe accidents indicate driver error. Poor depth perception also causes seniors to have a very high rate of left turn accidents.

Take regular ride-along outings. Notice your loved one’s skill level and confidence level. Ask for input from friends and neighbors.

It is important to approach this subject with sensitivity. In the meantime, you may want to explore self-assessments your loved one can take privately, at home. These two were created by the American Automobile Association’s Foundation for Traffic Safety.

AAA Roadwise Review (30-minute multimedia screening tool measuring specific mental and physical capabilities)

AAA Drivers 55 Plus: Self-Rating Form (15 multiple choice, text-based questions)

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It’s difficult to know what to anticipate when traveling with a frail family member. Here are tips from experienced, disabled travelers to reduce your road-trip stress this summer.

If your travel includes hotel lodging:

• Talk directly with the hotel. Many chains have a centralized reservation system. Get a direct, on-site number instead. Then ask to speak with the head of housekeeping or engineering. With their intimate knowledge of the building, you can ask them to describe the disability features: How wide are the doorways? Does the bathroom have grab bars? And don’t forget to ask about access to the hotel from the street!
• Reserve the room. Confirm that you are guaranteed an “accessible” room. Reconfirm a few days in advance of your arrival. If your room is not available or not accessible, ask to speak with the manager. It is the hotel’s responsibility to find you suitable alternate lodgings.

You might also consider bringing these items. You’ll find them sold online or at medical supply stores.

• A folding ramp. An easy way to eliminate a short flight of stairs.
• Safety items for the bathroom. Consider a lightweight toilet seat extender. For bathing, look for a suction-based grab bar, or folding shower bench and slip-on shower hose. Add nightlights to improve visibility after dark.
• Chair comfort. Bring a lap blanket and special pillows if your family member will be spending a lot of time sitting. Or a small fan to help with cooling. A swivel seat cushion may help a lot with getting in/out of the car.

To help your loved one join in excursions, consider a wheelchair. A wheelchair can preserve your family member’s energy. All transport chairs fold, but some are made for travel and pack easily in a small bag.

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This Caring Home provides information backed by research. It was developed by Weill Cornell Medical College to assist family caregivers. The website focuses on the safety issues that arise when caring for someone with memory loss and dementia. But it covers general concerns as well, such as preventing falls. Look for tips about:

– Home safety. Simply click on a “virtual room” for safety guidelines and product suggestions. For example, learn about different types of beds and their uses, or floorings that reduce the chance of falling. You’ll find information for every room in a home, and the outdoors.

– Special concerns. Here you’ll find strategies to address many safety concerns. Also available are guidelines for daily care if your loved one has dementia. Learn tips about mobility, such as how to help a person stand up or walk. Short video tutorials demonstrate good body mechanics. These essential skills will help you maintain your loved one’s safety and protect yourself from injury. Many family caregivers hurt their backs and are in pain for years because they tried to lift too much weight.

– Products. Learn about hard-to-find specialty products for safety. This section provides expert reviews on products such as no-rinse soap and timed faucets. Prices and manufacturer information are provided.

You can use the website’s “Share Ideas” section to send a question about a specific concern. The “Message Board” posts the expert’s answer. You can also read tips sent in by other caregivers.

Sometimes improving home safety means doing basic home repair. But your family member may need financial help to get things done. For information on assistance programs, see our Community Programs page on home repair.

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